One likes a beer, the other has a vivid fake tan. One likes McDonalds, the other dines at 5 Hertford Street. Together, they form the best couple on TV.
I’m talking of course, about Donald Trump and Nigel Farage. I don’t need to watch Love Island (though of course I do) – this pair bring more joy to my screen than any islander can.
Let’s take Trump. He is a great ally to the cause. He is President of the 52 United States of America but realises what an undemocratic nightmare the 28 state European Union is. Of course he doesn't mind bad-mouthing women, but he believes in the greater good of Brexit, and that's all that matters.
Then we have Farage. He is a true man of the people because, like the people, he drinks beer. This is one of the main reasons why he will make a great Prime Minister; he's not a grape-guzzler like those European technocrats.
When these two great leaders come together to share a drink or a joke, I know they have both our great nations’ interests at heart. I know they will be discussing how to ensure the wealthy are not robbed through “tax”. I know they will be figuring out how to keep people on the soil they are born. And, most of all, I know they will be hatching a plan to finally make Brexit happen. If they could couple-up to save the Western world, that would be my Ode to Joy.
After all, Trump and Farage respect the democratic process. They know that when someone votes leave, it means leave. On Love Island, sometimes islanders who have been voted off are allowed to return! ITV have no respect for the will of the people. This is equivalent to the British fascists who are trying to force a second EU referendum. Wrong!
This is why, from today, I will no longer be taking part in the sheeple ritual and will boycott Love Island in favour of watching rolling news coverage of the Brexit Party and fantasising about Nigel Farage's special relationship with Donald Trump.
I implore my Brexit comrades to do the same.